he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
