It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
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