New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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