Michael Bay diarrhea
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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