Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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