There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara