i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
I dont know to explain this.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?