Texts From Last Night

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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores

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  (609): it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores http://tfl.nu/lmvr
  Replies (10) Good night (3389) Bad night (914)
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  (530): View more from California

  Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.

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  (530): Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe. http://tfl.nu/c8em
  Replies (14) Good night (6373) Bad night (1667)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us

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  (214): Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us http://tfl.nu/gb64
  Replies (13) Good night (1500) Bad night (2945)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes

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  (845): you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes http://tfl.nu/5rry
  Replies (5) Good night (3414) Bad night (947)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night

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  (314): Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night http://tfl.nu/67n5
  Replies (10) Good night (2811) Bad night (819)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!

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  (210): Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together! http://tfl.nu/bu70
  Replies (3) Good night (1273) Bad night (549)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?

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  (214): Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember? http://tfl.nu/njcl
  Replies (2) Good night (626) Bad night (938)
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  (771): View more from

  i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.

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  (771): i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey. http://tfl.nu/c3n2
  Replies (11) Good night (562) Bad night (1174)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.

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  (919): Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate. http://tfl.nu/d4gp
  Replies (10) Good night (825) Bad night (480)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"

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  (336): I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body" http://tfl.nu/dnkv
  Replies (8) Good night (2027) Bad night (595)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape

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  (318): There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape http://tfl.nu/a8x6
  Replies (3) Good night (573) Bad night (1346)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?

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  (914): Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what? http://tfl.nu/ebld
  Replies (1) Good night (693) Bad night (332)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.

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  (253): Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight. http://tfl.nu/dlgc
  Replies (2) Good night (597) Bad night (323)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.

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  (585): He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota. http://tfl.nu/2rl1
  Replies (4) Good night (909) Bad night (419)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out

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  (443): i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out http://tfl.nu/wy5k
  Replies (2) Good night (447) Bad night (281)

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