Texts From Last Night

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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.

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  (614): I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on. http://tfl.nu/pnve
  Replies (11) Good night (627) Bad night (2034)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??

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  (812): Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days?? http://tfl.nu/olry
  Replies (35) Good night (1546) Bad night (3843)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime

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  (918): We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime http://tfl.nu/yqbs
  Replies (24) Good night (4247) Bad night (1045)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker

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  (330): I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker http://tfl.nu/il1k
  Replies (15) Good night (6452) Bad night (1258)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.

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  (574): he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job. http://tfl.nu/t5km
  Replies (26) Good night (864) Bad night (5341)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.

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  (503): Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake. http://tfl.nu/amef
  Replies (18) Good night (5410) Bad night (1729)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence

  (415): View more from California

  shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.

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  (231): I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence (415): shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy. http://tfl.nu/3ya6
  Replies (12) Good night (8547) Bad night (1024)
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  (415): View more from California

  there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am

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  (415): there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am http://tfl.nu/m06t
  Replies (2) Good night (1014) Bad night (2332)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??

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  (813): Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick?? http://tfl.nu/vxvq
  Replies (12) Good night (3294) Bad night (1525)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.

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  (484): I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits. http://tfl.nu/dr6q
  Replies (20) Good night (3658) Bad night (1008)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.

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  (917): There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit. http://tfl.nu/4wxu
  Replies (7) Good night (798) Bad night (1980)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  ...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.

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  (330): ...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again. http://tfl.nu/4ubg
  Replies (10) Good night (985) Bad night (2390)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear

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  (336): I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear http://tfl.nu/gomj
  Replies (6) Good night (1375) Bad night (659)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs

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  (903): On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs http://tfl.nu/pggr
  Replies (1) Good night (939) Bad night (381)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.

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  (256): I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany. http://tfl.nu/68i2
  Replies (5) Good night (816) Bad night (315)

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