are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable