Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened

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(734): i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened http://tfl.nu/eey2

Replies (4) Good night (851) Bad night (548)
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(678): View more from Georgia

So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night

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(678): So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night http://tfl.nu/pxx7

Replies (14) Good night (6470) Bad night (1162)
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(614): View more from Ohio

Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.

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(614): Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning. http://tfl.nu/bnwl

Replies (10) Good night (7002) Bad night (622)
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(678): View more from Georgia

What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.

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(678): What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick. http://tfl.nu/v9tv

Replies (11) Good night (3927) Bad night (1013)
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(408): View more from California

Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape

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(408): Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape http://tfl.nu/uzlj

Replies (10) Good night (3964) Bad night (1373)
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(213): View more from California

The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.

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(213): The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out. http://tfl.nu/jmae

Replies (4) Good night (2128) Bad night (660)
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(530): View more from California

We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.

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(530): We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security. http://tfl.nu/p79e

Replies (3) Good night (2105) Bad night (589)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN

(1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

how did i know this would happen?

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(412): I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN (1-412): how did i know this would happen? http://tfl.nu/2nli

Replies (8) Good night (1903) Bad night (1213)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.

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(828): and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY. http://tfl.nu/xi75

Replies (9) Good night (1860) Bad night (605)
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(440): View more from Ohio

Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.

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(440): Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis. http://tfl.nu/jmye

Replies (7) Good night (1739) Bad night (560)
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(313): View more from Michigan

I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!

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(313): I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!! http://tfl.nu/x69b

Replies (9) Good night (1554) Bad night (512)
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.

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(920): I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with. http://tfl.nu/59np

Replies (4) Good night (739) Bad night (337)
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(314): View more from Missouri

You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad

(224): View more from Illinois

I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.

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(314): You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad (224): I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick. http://tfl.nu/vatm

Replies (2) Good night (242) Bad night (986)
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(561): View more from Florida

Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.

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(561): Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking. http://tfl.nu/ixjm

Replies (4) Good night (166) Bad night (433)
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(563): View more from Iowa

I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder

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(563): I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder http://tfl.nu/9h0o

Replies (1) Good night (507) Bad night (114)

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