Buhtt sex?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It's blow job season.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
