Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
