I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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