The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
