Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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