Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
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