well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
