I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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