can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
