Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
