does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
