Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
