even my farts smell like vagina
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize