I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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