I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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