Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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