She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Drake has all the answers
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
