girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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