Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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