my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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