pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
