hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
