Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
