I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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