I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
