Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
