I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
