So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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