Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
