You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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