Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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