He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
