Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
