i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how hot balto sounded
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.