I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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