can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
