i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize