ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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