I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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