pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
