Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
