Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
