How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
