if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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