i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
