She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
