I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
