You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
