why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize