Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
