i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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