i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
