you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
