How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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