Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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