ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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