umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
