I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
