I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.