Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.