I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me