So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk Theyâ€™ve Ever Heard
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
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Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.