who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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