My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
