Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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