He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
