She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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