I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
