I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
