i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
