Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
