The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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