I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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